The Tales of Yuuka Kazami
by LemonadeFestival
Summary: This is a collection of short stories based around Yuuka. I don't like her, but then again neither do you. Just kidding. I bet you want her to...*clears throat* AHEM. Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Anyways, Please take this seriously, I do not intend for it to be ridiculed. Rated M for harsh language and possible future violent themes.
1. Crushed

"I will not tolerate you and your sadistic ways in Gensokyo anymore." Yukari said

"What are you going to do to me?" Said Yuuka Kazami, with only the slightest tone of worry in her voice.

"Just this." Yukari replied.

No sooner had the words left her mouth, than a gap appeared under Yuuka and **hOlY sUwAkO tHeRe'S eYeS eVeRyWhErE yOu ArE fLiPpInG tHe FuCk OuT rIgHt NoW**

Yuuka landed unharmed. Pushing herself to her feet, she noticed 5 massive fleshy pillars lay beyond in the pinkish-tan valley before her, partially blotting out the light from above. The ground under her feet was squishy and difficult to walk upon, and red creases ran along it until it met the fleshy pillars on the horizon.

She screamed as she was suddenly knocked to her feet by a massive tremor. She stood up and rubbed her sore head. She looked out over the valley. The land before her had changed. Now the plain was smooth, flat and clean, and colored as white as milk. She squinted toward the horizon and noticed that a multicolored square was imprinted on it. Suddenly she heard a booming voice, coming from the skies themselves. She didn't have time to make out what it meant, however, because her thoughts were interrupted by the 5 fleshy pillars closing in on her. She tried to run, but she tripped. The white land behind her crunched up and folded like paper. The sky turned black, and suddenly, as if on cue, everything stopped. There was no rumble. No impending doom. Nothing. Then, the world turned upside down. Gravity took effect and before the flower youkai knew it, she was falling. She landed _hard_ on a grey, smooth surface, breaking her left arm and multiple ribs. She glanced up, and saw to her horror the white papery mass falling toward her.

"Oh shi-"

Before she could formulate a coherent sentance, Yukari's gap appeared out of nowhere and sucked in Yuuka and **oH mInOrIkO nOt ThIs ShIt AgAiN fUcKiNg EyEs StArInG aT yOu **

With a thud, Yuuka landed on the ground.

"Yukari? YUKARI! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT YUKARI?!" Screamed the enraged flower Yōkai, "Yukar-"

"HI!" Said a chipper young voice, interrupting the screaming woman, "Want to play?"  
"No Cirno, I don't want to fucking play with you and your fucking fairies"

Yuuka kept her back turned, trying her best to ignore the girl behind her. She was too tired to deal with idiots such as Cirno, and as such, she hoped they would just go away.

"No silly, I'm not Cirno. Cirno is a fairy." The girl said, stating the obvious, "I make her go 'kyuu, kyuu' but she always comes back."

_What._

Yuuka snapped around to see a little blond haired girl smiling at her.

"Well, fuck."

_**AUTHOR'S CHALLENGE: Which of you can guess where Yukari sent her? I am talking about the first "gapping", not the one to the basement.  
(HINT: A very large hint is in the name of the chapter. Try reading the first part again, see if you get the clues)**_


	2. Flight at 2:00 AM

**The answer to last time's reference question: www. youtube watch?v=gCKjctTWIsw**

**Just remove the spaces**

* * *

It was 1:32 AM

The rain poured down on Yuuka's head. She didn't mind. She was a flower youkai after all. What she _did_mind, was that behind her, was a certain shrine maiden in red and white garb. Now usually she would fight, for Yuuka was not a coward. Far from it. But the priestess behind her was babbling on about ice and being quite...childish. This behavior was something quite out of character (pun intended) for her. Yuuka giggled. Usually she would be annoyed at this sort of thing, and that certain part of her personality was starting to surface. But for now, she couldn't help but stifle a laugh at how the maiden of the Hakurei shrine, the priestess who fought for gensokyo, thought she was Cirno.

Eventually, Yuuka got tired of listening to her and pushed the babbling idiot down a hillside. The fall would not kill her, but it might bring her to her senses. Satisfied, she continued onward until the rain gave way to a thunderstorm. Spotting a cave, the drenched flower youkai ran into it. She looked down its depths, and saw that it was _much_ deeper than she had expected. Venturing forth, she walked into the chasm's gaping maw.

A heavy gust of wind that seemed to come from deeper within the cave blew her hair, and was immediately followed by the laughter of a little girl

_Who's there?!_

The only response that she got was another gust of wind, and the sound of dry leaves skidding along the ground. This would not have worried her if it were autumn. However, this was underground, it was not autumn, and it was-

"SPRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGG GGGGGGGGGG!"

A loud voice came from within the gaping tunnel. Not a moment later, a frighteningly massive, contorted version of the scarlet devil's sister came into view, with Lily white riding on top.

"Oh, what the fu-"

Yuuka was cut short as the...thing flew full speed into her, painting the walls of the cave red and causing chunks of tissue, bone, and gore to fly like shrapnel around the cavern. The being exited the cavern and flew off into space, where it blew up the death star and saved the day.

It was 2:00 AM

A/N: These are short stories/oneshots that come from my head, and therefore will most likely be fucked up beyond all reason or just plain weird. Please keep that in mind.


End file.
